Alright well if Ethan wasn't going to bring it up

[FAGGOT WATCHIN TRON]

I guess I will. We saw the new M. Night Shyamalan movie the other night, The Happening.  Allow me to say that with absolutely no hyperbole or exagerration on my part whatsoever, it was without a doubt the worst the movie I have ever seen in my entire life. I encourage people that when, after seeing another terrible movie, or talking about another movie I felt was terrible, I inevitably say "That was the worst movie ever," to STOP me mid-rant and reply "But Carly...lest we forget about The Happening?" and I will IMMEDIATELY retract my prior statement and capitulate "Yes you are quite right, forgive me, for nothing could ever be as bad as The Happening was."

But what made this movie so absolutely horrible, you might ask? Well...honestly, everything. It was bad in all the ways a movie can be bad.  No...wait, I'll correct myself. The cinmetography actually wasn't THAT awful. If that movie were on mute, it might actually be okay to watch. Except for the horrible pacing and the scenes completely lacking in any sort of suspense whatsoever. You see, Shyamalan himself has claimed that this is his first "scary movie." Ladies and Gentleman, I was more scared during LADY IN THE WATER than I was the entire length of this alleged horror flick.

Which brings me to another point! I LOVE M. Night Shyamalan. Well, perhaps love is a strong word, but I have GENUINELY ENJOYED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS MOVIES up to this point. Even Lady in the Water, which I'm pretty sure I was the only person in the world who liked that. So not only was the movie terrible, it was made DOUBLY so because I have seen what this man, as a director and writer, is capable of. I was LITERALLY DUMBSTRUCK during The Happening. I LITERALLY COULD NOT BELIEVE what I was seeing. It was UNBELIEVABLE. How he could go from TRULY frightening movies, like The Sixth Sense and Signs, to this CRAPFEST was beyond my comprehension. I was forced to come up with wild theories, that perhaps since the plot of the movie involved people killing themselves, the movie was intentionally so bad that it made you want to kill yourself after seeing it! Or that perhaps the "twist" (in true Shyamalan fashion) would be that the whole movie was just a joke, and at the end of the film, all the actors would come on screen together and point and laugh and shout "GOTCHA!" at the audience. Or perhaps Shyamalan has suffered some sort of stroke, or brain tumour, or has become addicted to some heinous drug, and this information has somehow escaped the grubby greedy hands of the media! Anything to explain the pure utter shit that I was seeing on screen.

I could probably go on forever about what made this movie terrible, because there are infinite things. This movie was terrible simply because it WAS. The script...oh god, I could have written a better script when I was a freshman in high school. Or better yet, it is probably the script I WOULD have written when I was in 12. Only worse and without the really awkward cursing and I'm pretty sure I could have written something scarier than that. But I digress. The horrible writing was only IMPACTED by the unbelievably horrible performances that the actors gave. I wish I could burn these memories from my mind...but Mark Wahlberg...should probably die. Or never be allowed to act EVER again. And for those of you who are going to say "But Carly! What about The Departed! He was good in that!" Believe me...I thought so too. But like Ethan said, he was pretty much playing himself in that movie.  A tough kid from Boston who got in trouble with the cops a lot - not much of a stretch for our boy Markie Mark. But in this...he was supposed to be playing some sort of character, although I have no idea what that character was supposed to be. I can only assume they were going for the "loveable boyish nerd" but the dialogue and the acting was so convoluted that any sort of character development was simply lost in the shuffle. I'd venture to say that about 95% of the dialogue was unnecessary and the rest of it was shit.

In conclusion, I had wanted to see this movie. I was EXCITED to see this movie. I am a fan of M. Night Shyamalan's, and nothing will ever make me stop loving his other five movies. Not even this. But there is no emotion for how I feel about The Happening. It is not hatred...it is not simply dissapointment or sadness. It is all these and yet more than these...perhaps shock as well. Part of me wants noone to see this movie and yet another part wants EVERYONE to see it, because there is no other way you can possibly understand how truly terrible this movie was. And I am certain it is somehow important for everyone to know how bad this was.

[Infinite Jerkgrinders]

Ouch.

Gotta say the movie looked interesting from the commercials or something, more interesting than Lady in the Water, but everywhere I read its getting like D's and one star. I mean shit, rotten tomatoes gave it less than Step Up 2 the Streets got.

"On a brighter note, the Wayans brothers have new material to make Scary Movie 5."

I'll probably end up netflixing it

[FAGGOT WATCHIN TRON]

I'll probably end up netflixing it

I wouldn't even do this because that is somehow PAYING to see it. Just torrent it. Although its not even really worth the time it would take to do that either so shit I don't know.

[الله أكبر]

The movie is called "The Happening." That alone is enough to make me not want to see it. I'm surprise the tagline isn't "shit happens."

[Infinite Jerkgrinders]

I wouldn't even do this because that is somehow PAYING to see it. Just torrent it. Although its not even really worth the time it would take to do that either so shit I don't know.

haha okay :)

Honestly though if its this bad I can't not see it

[Infinite Jerkgrinders]

Also another fun quote, this one from the director himself:

"I wanted it to be a fantastic, fun B-movie," Shyamalan told Reuters in a recent interview about the eighth film he has written and directed. "The No. 1 thing is I want people to say: 'That was a really fun B-movie.'"

seems kind of like a cop out to me

[FAGGOT WATCHIN TRON]

Also another fun quote, this one from the director himself:

"I wanted it to be a fantastic, fun B-movie," Shyamalan told Reuters in a recent interview about the eighth film he has written and directed. "The No. 1 thing is I want people to say: 'That was a really fun B-movie.'"

seems kind of like a cop out to me

Total cop out. Hey, I've seen movies that are meant to be homages to the B-movie era, and they can still be GOOD movies, even GREAT movies (please see "Ed Wood" "Mars Attacks" "Planet Terror" and "From Dusk til Dawn" for some prime examples) and this was nowhere near on par with those. This was not "a fun B-movie" it was a total steaming pile of crap and now Shyamalan's trying to cover his dirty dirty tracks.

But yeah you should see it. Everyone should see it. So they'll know.

[WWW.SETH.COM]

Confidentially, I also liked Lady in the Water.

[Larry Flyntz]

A lot of people seem to think that Signs is Shyamalan's second best movie (after The Sixth Sense).  I really didn't like Signs that much, though.  I thought The Village was a lot better.  Signs lost almost all of its scariness after we saw the aliens, and the twists (1. "Swing away" and 2. Aliens don't like water) were awfully lame.  I'm also slightly biased against Mel Gibson.

[Shire Le Buff]

the suprise twist is that trees are trying to kill us, oh snap!

also I too liked Lady in the Water but thought the Village was terrible and juvenile.

[FAGGOT WATCHIN TRON]

I thought The Village was neat a scary! Slightly more transparent than his other movies but still entertaining and for the most part well done. I also like Signs the best of all his movies. I think its the perfect balance of really frightening and really funny exactly when it needs to be. Also I <3 Joaquin Pheonix.

[Shire Le Buff]

Yes, Signs was the best.

The Village was both too predicable and made NO sense. Why send the blind girl when they could have gone themselves? Why? THEY COULD HAVE GONE THEMSELVES.

[FAGGOT WATCHIN TRON]

The Village was both too predicable and made NO sense. Why send the blind girl when they could have gone themselves? Why? THEY COULD HAVE GONE THEMSELVES.

Yeah I guess. Maybe to keep up appearances in the village so people wouldn't suspect anything? Who knows. I still thought it was scary, and the acting was good, so right there it has two things over The Happening. But I guess its just evidence that you can definitely see a downwards trend with Shyamalan - the more creative control he has over his own movies, the worse off they end up being. What a fucking dissapointment.

[The Ocean]

The Sixth Sense and Signs are by far his best, with The Villaige being the worst that I've seen. I haven't seen Lady In The Water yet (though I want to) and I will NEVER see The Happening given that, Carly included, THREE people I know have told me it is the worst movie ever made... and they followed that up with "not hyperbole," "not even kidding," or "I mean that with absolutely NO exaggeration."

As far as The Villiage goes, it just sucks. It was certainly good for a while... and then when the ending came it was just terrible. I don't mind the TWIST per se. Just the route it took to get there. The film took till the final quarter to introduce a situation that would reveal the final twist. So the movie exists merely for the twist. That's it. At least movies like Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense are still good after the first viewing!

And the ending to Signs is not a twist. Note that in The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable you have clues and hints and the rest of the information is withheld from you, and you are pretty much TOLD the twist. In Signs, the movie is full of puzzle pieces that all come together in a much more satisfying way than even The Sixth Sense or Unbreakable. Carly is right; Signs has a perfect blend of horror and humour. And I'd add a minimal amount of pretentiousness.

In Signs there is also the potential for some different interperatations. It can be argued that the aliens are not aliens at all, but demons. But that shit takes an eternity for me to explain. Cliffs notes: Crises of faith tested, water is holy water, blah blah blah. I don't really agree with the theory but it is one that isn't dismissable.

[FAGGOT WATCHIN TRON]

In Signs there is also the potential for some different interperatations. It can be argued that the aliens are not aliens at all, but demons. But that shit takes an eternity for me to explain. Cliffs notes: Crises of faith tested, water is holy water, blah blah blah. I don't really agree with the theory but it is one that isn't dismissable.

Huh, that never even occurred to me. Usually I dislike religious interpretations of movies/books, because I feel like they aren't always the MOST apparent and are somewhat of a reach, but that one seems pretty blaringly obvious once you point it out. I guess though that you're pretty much supposed to assume that they're aliens for real, but I wouldn't doubt that the symbology was intentional and more there for good story telling and to add to Mel Gibson's character than anything else. Like the aliens and the attack represent a way for him to overcome his own personal demons, or something along those lines. Still, I like that.

[The Ocean]

In Signs there is also the potential for some different interperatations. It can be argued that the aliens are not aliens at all, but demons. But that shit takes an eternity for me to explain. Cliffs notes: Crises of faith tested, water is holy water, blah blah blah. I don't really agree with the theory but it is one that isn't dismissable.

Huh, that never even occurred to me. Usually I dislike religious interpretations of movies/books, because I feel like they aren't always the MOST apparent and are somewhat of a reach, but that one seems pretty blaringly obvious once you point it out. I guess though that you're pretty much supposed to assume that they're aliens for real, but I wouldn't doubt that the symbology was intentional and more there for good story telling and to add to Mel Gibson's character than anything else. Like the aliens and the attack represent a way for him to overcome his own personal demons, or something along those lines. Still, I like that.

It certainly works well with his crisis of faith. I remember thinking this for the first time only after talking about the movie with my cousin, who is deeply religious. He loved it, but I suggested that the water that Hess' daughter kept refusing was in a sense Holy Water, blessed by Hess' daughter in some way, and that the aliens were really demons. I remember something being said form a newscast within the movie about an "old" way of defeating the aliens or something like that.

The theory has its holes and I'm not really confident in it, but it does make sense most of the time. I personally like it better if they are just aliens. The idea that "everything happens for a reason" fits better if Hess' many aggrivations and tragedies all lead to saving the life of his family, and him finding his faith again.

[FAGGOT WATCHIN TRON]

Oh I agree I think the movie is way better if they are aliens as opposed to demons. I was just saying I would imagine that the religious parallels are intentional, especially so being that the main character is a priest whose lost his faith. I mean they're pretty obviously aliens - crop circles, space ships, etc - but the whole religious theme really fits with the story of the movie.

[Shire Le Buff]

Do you ever actually see or hear about space ships?

Ah, never mind. I think we're giving M. Night a little too much credit here. It's like how you can argue that the entire Star Wars movie saga is a moral debate between science and religion, with religion being the winner.

Anyway, I got into an argument with my Dad about everyone saying The Happening sucked. He said the hype behind movies is always wrong and that it'll still be an awesome movie for him. After all, he loved Fargo, The Matrix, and Sideways and everyone says those movies suck!

I just started at him blankly.

[oatmeal fetish....]

He said the hype behind movies is always wrong and that it'll still be an awesome movie for him. After all, he loved Fargo, The Matrix, and Sideways and everyone says those movies suck!

I just started at him blankly.

I...what?!

[Shire Le Buff]

It was maybe the worst conversation I had.