That’s a tasty metaphor-burger!
Written by Flyntz
At a McDonald’s not too far from here, the following scene unfolded, as horrified mothers shielded the eyes of their babies, and hipster teens took snapshots with their camera phones:
A couple, let’s call them George and Laura, walked in the door and up to the counter. After much deliberation, which certainly did not please the customers behind them, they decided to order two double cheeseburgers for the gentleman and a Tuscan Chicken Salad for the lady. When they received their food, this couple was happy as could be. You could tell by the looks on their faces that George and Laura just could not wait to chow down on this delectable feast.
Or so it seemed.
The seemingly happy couple found a nice booth in the corner and sat down. Laura began eating her salad, as George fumbled with the wrapper on his first double cheeseburger. By the time he got the wrapper off, George had broken into a sweat and, if I do say so myself, quite the temper tantrum. “I don’t want this stupid burger!” he shouted.
“Okay, dear. Just throw it away and get something else,” Laura said, more motherly than wifely.
“Excuse me, sir, but are you going to throw those burgers away?” I inquired.
“Yeah, they were givin’ me a hard time,” George quickly responded, clearly flustered.
“Well, if you’re just going to throw them away, would you mind giving them to me instead?”
“Why, whadda you want ‘em for,” he asked, seemingly offended.
“Well, I want to eat them. I don’t want them to go to waste.”
“I can’t do that,” he said stuffily as he tossed the burgers into the trash.
“Why did you do that!? You let two perfectly good, edible double cheeseburgers go to waste!”
“Well, it isn’t a waste, when you think about it. You see, by throwing those burgers away, I reinforced the values that make America so great. We need to keep the moral high ground, you know.”
“Since when has wastefulness been an American value?”
“Let me… let me finish! You see, America runs on a good, Protestant work ethic. You got to work for what you get. If I gave you those burgers, you wouldn’t really appreciate ‘em, and you’d expect more and more handouts. It’s a … uhh… slippery slope. Yeah, it’s a slippery slope!”
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Are you really going to let him get away with this sort of irresponsible behavior!?” I asked, turning to his wife.
“I… uhh… I support my husband,” she said with what little force she could muster.
“That’s right! I’m the decider! And I decide I want a McFlurry!”
As George skipped off to order his McFlurry, and I walked out of the restaurant, having lost a little bit more faith in humanity, I could have sworn I heard a faint “Someone please kill me” coming from the booth at which Laura was sitting.
