The Hard Rock Cafe Actively Assaults the United States of America
Written by Omnicommie
Nothing infuriates me more than the Hard Rock Cafe. A true king of the “crap-on-the-wall” restaurants, this franchise uses precious rock and roll memoriablia to sell their american themed cuisine.
OH GOOD! I want to buy a hamburger for $9.00 JUST BECAUSE it’s named after Steven Tyler. I want to feel his juicy lips between my molars as I savor the fast food grade meat slide down my throat. Yes! Tell me about the different types of drinks that you named after the Beatles! What’s that you say? I can get a Ringotini? Vodka or gin? Oh it doesn’t matter! Here’s my wallet, take all the cash and credit cards and my social security number and my school picture from 12th grade.
Wow, I sure am impressed with what you did to the place. Look at all this spectacular horse shit from the 1980’s! David Lee Roth wore that leotard? No kidding? Hey let’s plop my fatso 2 and half kids family right in front of the article of clothing Roth wore while fucking thousands of dumb hair metal sluts!
What’s that son? You want to be a rock star when you grow up? Well, if you do make it in that business, the real glory isn’t in how many records you sell or how many of your peers respect you. Nope, the real winners auction off their musical instruments to faceless coprorations! If you’re lucky, they’ll name the quesadillas after you. Now if you made it that far son, I’d be very proud of you. Then again, if you were selling your inventory of useless crap to make money, you’d probably be using that cash to buy heroin. But that’s ok! You’re a rock star!
GRAAHHHHHHHHHH
