Space Pirates Ltd.

My aunt gave me these back when I was in elementary school. I didn’t know what to do with them then, and I don’t know what to do with them now. They’ve been serving as unsturdy book-ends since 7th grade.

Every kid alive in the early nineties has one of these damn things unless their parents thought the whole idea of a “treasure troll” was witchcraft, which where I grew up, was roughly 73% of the kids. You may notice that the hair has been spiked and the shirt turned around. That’s because in 10th grade, I decided to find out of the rules of hair gel applied to fake hair as well. The results still stand (all bad puns aside).

My dead grandfather’s weighters. Fun fact: if you wade too deep into the stream, it’s likely you won’t be able to wade back out!

A broken Coleco Vision. For those of you who don’t know, Coleco was an early Atari knock-off that allowed you to play Cubert, Donkey Kong, Venture, and a slew of other pioneers for the gaming industry.

A big box of comics and other crap from my brother’s company for which he decided one Christmas that he no longer had space to store. I think I’ve read about four of them.

Technically I found this in my college dorm room, but man oh man is it ever awesome!

A travel version of “Don’t Wake Daddy.” The hat was off like that when I found it. As you can see, it gives the game a whole new meaning.

This thing dates back to at least the 1950’s. It’s a bank that won’t open until you’ve put ten dollars worth of change in it. Frankly, I want my $1.60 back.

A Goosebumps playing card. Need I say more?

Some crappy drum thing I made in Cub Scouts.

This one’s a dual-object, because that’s how I found it. That there is a purple wig I bought for a Magus costume (because the store didn’t have any blue, or failing that, white wigs) with a Jesus hat I got at a white elephant party. Try and contain your awe; we’ve still got one more!

And finally, an object that needs no introduction. I think this might’ve been a window decoration for a car at one point that’s lost its suction cups. I don’t know. All I know is, it’s frickin’ awesome!