Tomorrow Morning I Will Have Votemeal For Breakfast
Written by Omnicommie
Two men. One country. This November see: Presidential Term-inator: Election Day.
Yes, that’s right. Tomorrow, America will use the tool commonly known as the “electric college.” As I understand it, the process consists of four guys and one can of turpentine. Truly electrical. In this day and age of computers and blue jeans, doesn’t this seem a bit outdated? What say we go over a few proposals I have on the revision of our nation’s “electrical college.”
Method A: Presidential Spelling Bee
Mediator: O.k. Mr. Bush, your word is “freedom.”
Bush: Alright, I know this one! S-P-E-E-L-L…
Mediator: No, Mr. President, the word is “freedom.”
Bush: Oh… Uh… Dick! Little help?
Mediator: Mr. President, you can’t do that. That’s cheating.
Bush: Whatever. Pass.
Mediator: Senator Kerry, your word is “tribunal”
Kerry: beesbeesbeesbeesbeesbeesbeesbeesbeesbeesbeesbeesbees
As you can see, this method is extremely effective. Probably too effective. So we must scrap this idea. Scraping sequence initiated.
Method B: Bitches and Hoes Method
Dick Cheney: Yo, check this mutha’ fuckin’ shit out! Don’t trust the donkey, it ain’t nothin’ but a honky.
Bush: My boy ain’t fibbin’, those dems just be straight trippin’.
John Edwards: Vote for us tomorrow, we’ll let you fuck Charro.
Kerry: Yo, his words you should believe, I heard Ringo’s name is Steve.
Bush: Stop talkin’ ’bout a plan, and kiss my texan can.
Kerry: What you say mutha’ fucka’?
[/knifefight]
Another stellar of example of how I, Dan Delaney, showgirl at law, can improve our nation. I can feel you need more adivce from me. You need it. Don’t think like this:
A Fellow Classmate of Mine
When you vote you are electing the best liar. The presidential campaigns are inundated with slander, but anorexic in fact. The candidates main concern is making themselves seem superior to their opponents by twisting the facts. They stand for many appealing policies, but only a select few policies are upheld. You hear Bush bragging about his “No Child Left Behind” program, but he has not mentioned that the adult are being left behind in their bills because we have lost jobs. Kerry is taking more than one side on many issues. He says one thing and then he opposes it. He can not effectively govern our complex nation if he can’t govern his own ideals and goals. There are other political parties in the country, but they don’t receive enough national support to become president. Don’t vote your voice will be heard, but quickly ignored.
I don’t think that needs any satirizing. It does pretty well on its own.
In other words, we have a new feature up in the Galley: Space Pirates Ltd. Dictionary. Warning. It’s a work in progress.
